Martyrdom.

I can't remember anymore,
the days we spent together.
Not that i'm letting go,
but it's leaving me.
You,
I thought i was close with.
Lies.
I don't even know who you are anymore.
It's like,
we've never met,
and you just hate me,
for no apparent reason.

I abhor the day,
I fell in love with you.
At first i thought it was a blessing,
for me that is,
but it turned out be my curse,
my disaster.
I did not get your heart,
and furthermore,
we just fell apart,
without me even trying.
I just want to talk,
but courage,i find it no where.

Hah!
look at this photograph.
Not for a single moment,
did i believe that the guy next to you,
was actually me.
Go ahead,
laugh,scorn,sneer,insult.
I've hurt too much
till i can't feel myself anymore.
That's what you do to me,
without even trying.
I'm trying to forget you.
But how can I?
when you are just there,
sitting in front of me,
ignoring my existance.

All these welled up emotions,
make me shudder.
I want to reach out for you,
but i think,
you're not pushing away.
more like,
i'm the one shrinking away.
I am not blaming you,
for i know,
it was and still is,
my fault.
Sorry's not good enough.

I guess,
to sum it all up,
our story...
wasn't a could've-been,
wasn't a should've-been,
but more like,
can-never-be and never-will-be.
Pessimist, i am.