Not thinking in the straight line.

Sigh.
When will we really start talking to each other again?

Maybe it's just me,
hoping for something that isn't there.
Deluding myself,
just to feel happy.

I really am feeling too much.
But you do confuse me.
I don't think we were close to begin with,
but it's...

well,
i just hope we can start talking,
face to face,
and not just on MSN.

Pray not to feel again.

Drumming on the zinc plated roof,
streaming down to earth
as if eager to embrace Mother Nature again.
The rain falls.
I hate it.

Relating to slow sad songs,
Watching the droplets hit the ground,
Trying to count them,
Thinking about the past again.
I hate it.

It could've been worse,
like being run over after you fall.
I probably should be grateful.
I am, but something's missing.
I hate it.

No, forgiveness is a thing of a past,
i keep telling myself.
Vainly trying to block out the self-blame
and regret.
I hate it.

Yes, i'm happy.
No, i'm sad.
Maybe, i don't know.
But, i'm gonna keep on trying.
I still hate all this.

Graduation.

You walk into that
familiar compound.
Determined, in your heart,
no tears today.

It's more than bereavement.
Deep inside,
you may not want to leave.
It's ok.
It's just another part of life.

Flip out the camera's,
immortalize your smiles with pictures.
Hug thy friends,
forgive thy enemies.
Laugh, for it is good.

The auld lang syne.
Sing your heart out, merry friends.
Weep, for not all tears are evil.
The fragments and chips of old memories,
piece them together,
never forget.

Today,
We graduate.
All the Best.

and there was Fire.

It came floating, gently,
the breeze made the haystack shiver.
The oakwood door,swaying on its hinges,
creaks out its own music.
And there by the wall,
burning solemnly,
sat Fire.

He was small,insignificant.
Giving off warmth and glow,
to anyone,anything that came by His way.
Fire was not cruel by nature,
but no saint He was.
Fire wanted to do more,
to escape this small grating.
He moaned and wailed His frustration,
and the breeze heard Him.

Scooped up by breeze's gentle hold,
Fire allowed Himself to be carried,
to be sent sailing through the blessed air.
Ah! the sheer Joy!
No longer did He had to sit on that old faggot anymore.
Breeze,seeing how Fire happy was,
brought him soaring to greater heights,
and just as abruptly,
breeze dropped Him.

Fire experienced free fall,
for all He cared, He cared not.
Down he sank, spiralling,
till the end,
sat on a haystack.
How this infuriated Him,
He deserved a better place!
His anger fueled Him,
blackening His red fiery heart.
He grew and grew,
towering.
Gulping down the hay.

So this is what it feels like,
to be majestic,
thought Fire,
as He continued his frenzied gluttony.
He cared not what it was made of,
swallow everything,render them to ashes,
was all His mind could play.
Higher and higher,
Fire yearned to reach the Heavens,
to show how great He had become.

He staggered,
as simple as that,
and His stagger turned to a fall.
A fall that He could not stop.
He felt himself diminishing,
shrinking.
The whole place looked empty,
all was covered in soot,
black as night.
Fire struggled,writhing with all his might.
He willed himself to incinerate,
to ignite again with all the splendour.
Yet,
all was in vain.

Fire turned to ember,
to spark,
to a glow,
alas,with a great sigh,
was no more.

To feel or not to feel. Your Call.

Well, i know i'm supposed to post that love story i've been working on. But i still kinda feel it's a bit to shoddy to be posted up, so still working on it.

Inspirations been kinda like, not coming my way. But here are some quotes that relates to me, since this is victorsheartstories , isn't it? hehe.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.

Maybe part of loving is learning to let go.

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.




and THIS, i can relate to 100%.

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.


It's like i'm Little Boy all over again.

Paroxysm is all there is.

Agnes came home.
She took those overdue bills,
stuffed unceremoniously into her mailbox.

She unlocks the rusting iron gate,
that leads to a sty she calls home.
Whiffs of overnight takeover,
she crinkles her nose.

She switches on the light,
but all she see is darkness overwhelming.
She walks through the haze,
stumbling along the way.
She wonders.

She thought she couldn't lose anymore,
how wrong.
First,
her job,
her family,
her income,
her sanity,
and now,
her friends.

She doesn't know where to turn to.
She blindly gropes in the dark.
A slight breeze greets her face.
Semi-concious,
she lets the draft dry her tears.
She wants more.

Suddenly,
the breeze becomes a torrent of air
gushing at her whole body.
She feels so light,
like she's floating.
no, flying.

Then it stops,
an abrupt end.

She paints the pavement,
crimson red.

Martyrdom.

I can't remember anymore,
the days we spent together.
Not that i'm letting go,
but it's leaving me.
You,
I thought i was close with.
Lies.
I don't even know who you are anymore.
It's like,
we've never met,
and you just hate me,
for no apparent reason.

I abhor the day,
I fell in love with you.
At first i thought it was a blessing,
for me that is,
but it turned out be my curse,
my disaster.
I did not get your heart,
and furthermore,
we just fell apart,
without me even trying.
I just want to talk,
but courage,i find it no where.

Hah!
look at this photograph.
Not for a single moment,
did i believe that the guy next to you,
was actually me.
Go ahead,
laugh,scorn,sneer,insult.
I've hurt too much
till i can't feel myself anymore.
That's what you do to me,
without even trying.
I'm trying to forget you.
But how can I?
when you are just there,
sitting in front of me,
ignoring my existance.

All these welled up emotions,
make me shudder.
I want to reach out for you,
but i think,
you're not pushing away.
more like,
i'm the one shrinking away.
I am not blaming you,
for i know,
it was and still is,
my fault.
Sorry's not good enough.

I guess,
to sum it all up,
our story...
wasn't a could've-been,
wasn't a should've-been,
but more like,
can-never-be and never-will-be.
Pessimist, i am.